Sometimes I feel trapped inside of a body that physically needs rest and nutrients in order to function properly. I've gotten used to eating, but every now and then the necessity of food gets in the way. Sleep, however, is the real problem.
While I'm not a fan of naps, my sleep cycles occur in 2s and 3s usually. From 20 minutes to 2 hours or 30 minutes to 3 hours. Anything less I consider napping. When I wake in the middle of the night, my mind is screaming.
I prefer three hour cycles to two because I feel better rested, waking up isn't so bad at three. But at two it feels like I'm waking from the dead. My body doesn't respond and I'm needing to drag it up and out.
Everything is heavy and numb, I can't see nor hear correctly, breathing hurts and is sporadic; my heart is pounding hard and fast to replenish oxygen and blood supplies as I force my body to move. My mind is screaming, my brain sending potent electrical signals down path ways: every surge breaks metaphorical ice and mends shattered nerve rail ways.
When I'm up I feel pain, pain all over. Pain on the inside and pain on the outside, as if I am feeling every texture, every toxin, and everything tactile and tangible for the first time. I feel like I'm going to vomit, but then all the tension fades way. Nothing hurts and my senses have adjusted and dulled. I'm exhausted.
This doesn't always happen when I awaken, but it happens enough for me to find sleep somewhat uncomfortable. It can get in the way sometimes.
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