I Don't Know About You, But I'm Not Feeling 22

I recently turned 25. Not much to say there. It seems as though every year has more exciting and more challenging. This past year was nothing like last year, nor as stagnant as years before. Prophetic, yes, it was filled with many victories great and small, but many fresh and new trials did await me.

The details are not ones I will relinquish because I have chosen to keep them a secret except to a select few. However, it can be said that the road I have traveled has been marked with blood, sweat, and tears. I met a lot of people and helped people when and where God called me to. I witnessed the hand of God in many wonderful things.

I recently turned 25, and I'm thinking about dwelling in the shadows of truth like I did before. About ten years ago I decided I would be more transparent with the world both inspire it and avoid misunderstandings with those around me. The more heavy and intimate facets were reserved for family and friends, but for the most part I shared my inner workings. Unfortunately only one of those two goals came into fruition.

By nature I am introverted, and it is only through personal development that I was able to lower inhibtions and reveal parts of me I wanted to keep secluded. In that personal experiment I have found that people only want to see what they want to see. People only want to know so much, and so I want to only tell so much. For years I tried to understand how the world worked in order to relate to it, but I have failed more times than I wanted and definitely more times than I succeeded. Yeah, I don't want to do this anymore unless I have to.

While I've been perfectly fine alone all this time, the interest and topic of entering a relationship has risen and fallen like the tide. However each time it returns more profoundly than the last. I haven't dated anyone in years, its not a real problem, but it is when you want to date. Given how things have worked so far, it might never happen no matter how much harder or smarter I try. 

So that's where I'm at at 25. Many things have been set in motion that I will see to the end, but will probably never pick up again. Things are falling into place, and I can only pray the desires of my heart are in line with what the Lord will provide. I might never understand this world, and that's okay. I might never enter into a relationship, but that's okay because not all of us are called to be married.

Its 2018, and from what I've heard its time to reap from the harvest of victories. I don't know about you, but I ain't wasting my time. At the end of the day, me and my house will serve the Lord on high.

Fun Facts about Jorge! :D

Next time I'll just upload it. Lesson learned, don't use hotel wifi for live streaming.

I happen to have some spare time during my visit here in the Rio Grand Valley (RGV). For those of you that don't know the RGV is about 500 miles south of the Dallas Fort Worth area. Why I'm here I don't know for sure, but it differently has something to do with the bonds I've formed through my time here.

I tend not to form emotional attachments easily, so when they do I like to put a lot of time and energy into cultivating these them. It's something that rarely occurs, and its something that I've always questioned because it appeared as though everyone else could get a long just fine.

Even with the bonds I've formed its still hard for me to cipher thoughts and emotions towards individuals and ideas. That is why I invest a lot of myself into people and places, so that I can come to a conclusion and understand where I stand.

So why am I here? To support the arts, to support a friend. To take care of other on going endeavors and businesses. To make sure "my house" is in order before I can focus more external things and progress in life.

It feels as though the more I learn about the world, the more I don't know. The more busy I get the more time I have. The more structured things become the more chaos appears to ensure.

I say things things in all seriousness, but at the same time I always seem to find myself humorously waiting. Waiting for things to happen. I'm not a very patient person, but I often find myself having to exert patience in a lot of things. Like right now (3/30/18 10:03AM)

That's all I have for now. I have many minor errands to run before I leave tomorrow morning.

Ambition

O what a horrible miserable person I am. Is it so that I am an unhappy person? Even when more than enough is what I have I want more.

For what If all I want is to be at peace and happy? Perhaps it would be easier to try and make them believe that I am not what I am. At what cost now?

I have family and friends. Why is a good job not enough, nor place, or transport? For me to survive is to thrive, its possible I will never be satisfied.

A paradox perhaps because of these things, I see no real point in pursuing goals that will not make me more complete.