Check Point

Earlier this month I made the decision to become celibate in body and in mind. At the end of the month if I find that I cannot commit to this lifestyle, then it would be better that I not make that vow. 

 A friend of mine recently posted a list of things he finds attractive in a spouse, and it made me wonder what personality traits I would enjoy in someone. 

It has been hard to avoid thoughts of marriage and intimate relationships these past few weeks. This has been something I have desired for a long long time, but this time frame allowed me to contemplate more thoroughly why I like certain people and why I fall in love with certain people.

The following list is a condensed list of qualities of people I end up befriending:

1. They must be reliable
2. Can be held accountable

These first two are plain and simple. There is power in your word because you answer for your mistakes and don’t back out even when things are not going your way. You said you would do it, and you did it. This also means that if they find themselves unable to commit to something before hand, they decline. The more honesty and integrity a person shows, the more likely I will bond to them.

3. Strong in their craft(s)
4. They are adventurous

These next two require a little more explanation. If have often found myself drawn to people who know how to do something, do it well or are passionate about it. Be it in art or in science. Another thing is the willingness to explore other crafts or studies. Being adventurous is more than discovering and finding beauty in the physical realm around you (which would also fall under this category), but venturing out into mental and emotional unknowns.

5. They know how to fight

Do you know how to fight or defend yourself? Boom, you’ve got one foot in the door. Whether its just self defense, or you study martial arts, or know how to argue without losing your temper, you’re pretty much cool in my book. We might even spar a few times!

These next qualities are things I have found to make me fall in love with people, or are the people that end up hangout with for life. These are the same qualities I would look for in a woman:

1. You are a Christian or Have Christian Values

Saved or not, I would like you to be hot or cold and not lukewarm. I would prefer that you have confessed Christ as your Lord and Savior, that the Word of God is your foundation, and that you are Spirit Filled, but if you are none of those and are righteous and stand up against wicked princpalities then that works too.

2. You Temper Me

You make me a better person whether I like it or not. You question my authority and motives whenever I say or do something seemingly out of character or contradictory to something I have said. You question every bad or fruitless idea that I might cultivate.

3. You are Mature

You have the knowledge and wisdom to know what you want. You are usually responsible, and if not you still pay your debts and follow through. Decisiveness comes to mind with this one.

9. You are Selfless

This one is a deal breaker. Your body is a temple, you should take care of it, but there is a fine line between taking care of your needs and taking care of your desires at the expense of others. The more you act without taking in to consideration the damage that you would deal to those that love you, or to the innocent, the more likely we’ll end up on opposite teams.

10. You are Independent

Especially in a spouse, if you can live on without me, you’ve won me. There is a codependency that arises in relationships, and maybe a strong healthy dependence, but if for whatever reason we are separated by circumstance, call it quits, or I die, I would want you to live on without me. Carry my on legacy by: finishing the race, fighting the good fight, and taking up your cross.

I could write a load of literature about these traits and why I may prefer these over others, but not here. I won’t post a list of things I find physically attractive in a woman, because I have been extremely inconsistent since day one when it comes to that. I've about two more weeks to retract my temporal celibacy vow, but I'm leaning towards it.